The one ingredient every healthy relationship needs: Trust

There is one quality that is present in every healthy relationship.

Whether it’s a marriage, a friendship or even the bond forged between humans and their pets, if this quality is missing, or lost, the relationship is doomed to fail.

It is this same quality that, if missing in our relationship with Christ, can lead to worry, fear and anxiety.

What is this quality?

Trust

The dictionary defines it as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

No matter what other hang-ups we may have, no matter if we want to admit it or not, the truth of the matter is this: If we firmly believed in God’s ability to take care of us, our family, our future – we simply would not worry – ever.

If we are trusting Him the way He wants us to, the way He commands us to hundreds and hundreds of times in the Bible, we will have nothing but peace.

I know that sounds nearly impossible in today’s crazy, scary world, but it is the way He intended it to work from the beginning.

How can I be so sure of that fact?

Because God explains it to us, over and over again in His word.

Photo by Lauren Lulu Taylor on Unsplash

The verse this site is based on, Isaiah 26:3, states “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee:” But why will he be kept in perfect peace?  The end of the verse replies, “because he trusteth in thee.”

Later, in the New Testament, Paul tells us that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.

God knew full well that a sin-stained world could cause lots of reasons for sin-stained people to fear. He did not want us to get caught in the cycle of fear, worry and anxiety. That is why he instructs us over and over in his Word,  to “fear not” but simply “trust in the Lord.”

Of course, for the mind prone to worry, this is no easy task.

For the mind already sinking into the pit of anxiety or depression, it is an almost impossible task. Believe me, I know, I’ve been there.

I am aware of how discouraging it is when those well meaning souls who have never been there themselves, tell you that you just need to have a little more faith and everything will be alright.

That is not what I am saying to you here.

When someone has already fallen into that pit, they may need more than a little faith to get out of that hole. They may need counseling, therapy and/or medicine.

What I am saying is, while you may need these other things to help get you out of that pit, you most certainly still need trust. It is the foundation upon which you can build a road to recovery.

If your foundation of trust is broken, none of these other building blocks are going to give you lasting peace by themselves.

The problem most times is, our foundation is broken, and we don’t even know it.

Or, sometimes we know something is wrong, but we just can’t put our finger on the problem.

For example, I knew for years, that I wasn’t fully trusting God, not in the way I wanted I just didn’t know why, or what to do about it.

I felt like the father of the boy with the unclean spirit who cried out to God, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”

I even remember praying that God would help me to have the kind of trust that Job did. A reliance on Him that was so strong that even the threat of death could not shake it.

Little did I know then that He was gradually giving me an invaluable education on the definition of trust.

Through each bout with anxiety, He helped me explore the depths of its complexity.

As I battled through each one, some with Satan, but mostly with my own mind, God began to teach me about the different definitions of trust and how they could work together to give me the desire of my  heart – His peace.

The lessons I learned from Him are far greater than can be contained in a blog post.

In my book I give detailed explanations of several Hebrew words the bible uses for trust, and what God taught me about each one.

However, here I will give the one I feel can be most relevant to the largest amount of people.

It also relates to last week’s blog about feelings we have when we go through hard things.

The word is “chasah.” It is a verb meaning to seek, to take refuge, like the shade of a tree.

It is used 37 times in the Old Testament, many times by David as he sought refuge from the attacks of Saul.

In 2 Samuel 22, we find him praising God for delivering him out of the hands of his enemies.

“And he said, The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence.”

Throughout David’s life, he faced many times of adversity. There was so much political unrest going on in his world, from even before he became king.

It is no wonder that we see him use this form of trust so often. He definitely needed security, and though he couldn’t always find that outwardly, he quickly learned he could find inwardly by placing his chasah trust in God.

I can honestly say that for a good portion of my life, that chasah trust came easy for me.

They say we often view God the way we view our parents, especially our fathers. Fortunately for me, my father has always been an amazing example to me of God’s unconditional love for us.

With that kind of solid home life comes security.

From the time I was a young girl, my father has always been my safe place. When I was little, at the first rumbling of thunder I would leave whatever I was doing and go find my dad. Whether he was relaxing on the couch or stretched out watching TV on the floor, I would flock to his side, and there I would remain until the storm was over.

There is just something about his presence, even today, that is ever so calming to me.

Those are the things that come to mind when I think of the meaning of “chasah.” A rock, a refuge, a hiding place. A shelter in the time of storm.

It is no wonder then, that trusting God fully with my safety, with my life, came naturally to me.

Even when bad things did happen, I would pore over the Psalms and remind myself that I was safe under his wings. I truly did believe that all things worked out for good, because for most of my life, they had.

Until that day…

I had always looked up to my cousin, Kim. She was ten years older than me, loved the Lord, and was a real overachiever.

It was obvious even early on that she would be a great mother. She had a great maternal bent, and being her baby cousin, I was one of the first to benefit from all her love and attention. She used to carry me everywhere.

She married a pastor from our home town, and they eventually settled into a ministry just 20 minutes from there.

God blessed them with not one, not two, but six adorable girls.

Life was good, and we all enjoyed hearing these girls sing together, developing beautiful harmonies as they grew.

If that wasn’t enough, however, God had one more huge blessing up his sleeve.

Long after she thought she was done having babies, and shortly before her husband turned 50, Kim got a very unexpected, but very pleasant surprise.

She was pregnant with baby number 7, only this time, it was a boy!

Friends, family, church family – everyone was elated about the news, and in August of 2007 – Gregory Mark Harven was born.

Life couldn’t be sweeter. God had been so good!

Then, in an instant, it all began to unravel.

As we were all gushing over the news of Mark’s birth, little did we know that there was another surprise lurking in Kim’s body. This time, a not so pleasant one.

The dreaded C word – cancer, specifically, lymphoma.

I was concerned about this news, but not overly upset. After all, I had already watched God heal one member of my family from cancer, and I was certain he was going to do it again. We just had to pray and believe. And pray we did!

However, unlike when God so miraculously healed my sister-in-law of her cancer, with Kim, each check up seemed to bring more concerns and less hope. Not that we ever gave up praying.

I remember I just kept telling myself and others that maybe God wanted to bring her to her physical worst so it would be obvious that only He could heal her.

I clung to that thought to the bitter end, but in January of 2008, I got the phone call I had been dreading – my cousin had died.

It was one of the toughest things I have ever been through – especially spiritually. All my life I had memorized verses about how God makes no mistakes and held fast to the adage that though His way is not always easy, it is always best. But now it was time to put those words into action, to live out my faith, and I was finding that it was much harder than memorizing a verse or two.

I had other people close to me die, my grandparents, cousins, even had a miscarriage, but something about Kim’s death gnawed at my faith.

I didn’t completely understand it at the time, but now that God has brought me through my trial with anxiety and pointed out my trust issues, I get it.

Kim and I led similar lives. We both came from amazing parents with a solid Christian faith. We both had a heart for God from a young age. We both married men who adored us and became great fathers to our children. In short we were both living a fairy tale life.

So, when Kim’s fairy tale suddenly diverted to a not so happy ending, at least from our earthly viewpoint, it shook the foundation of my “chasah” trust in God. My rock, my refuge – had failed. I would have never admitted that I felt that way – not even to myself – but I did.

It tried to press on as I thought a good Christian should, but I was left with lingering doubts. “God, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” “How could this possibly be for anyone’s good?”

After that time, whenever there was any type of threat to my own happiness – a health scare for me or my children, those doubts would resurface. My heart would say, “It will be okay. All things work for good.” But my mind would say, “It didn’t work out good for Kim. What if you’re the next one to go?”

That unresolved inner turmoil kept me from being able to take refuge in the Lord as I always had.

I knew it, and I prayed that God would increase my faith and trust in Him.

Well, it wasn’t quite the way I had expected, and it was a whole lot scarier than I had hoped, but God answered that prayer in a huge way. And in the end, it was exactly what I needed to rebuild that trust in Him.

It took some time. Step by step, promise by promise, reminding myself of the very good God I serve.

Squashing my doubts with His truth, and gaining new perspective on my goals for this life – a heavenly perspective.

Hadn’t He been good to Kim? Well, let’s ask this question: Would she rather be on earth, or in heaven?

That’s a no brainer. Kim loved the Lord with all her heart, and I have no doubt that she is having the absolute time of her life.

Better, richer, fuller than anything she ever experienced on earth, and she will be having it now for eternity.

I don’t know why she had to leave this earth when she did, but I know this, if there was any other way to accomplish His plan, God would have done it.

I also know that when her children lift their beautiful voices to sing, their tragedy lends a whole lot more credence to the words they’re singing.

When you hear them sing words like “God’s Been Good In My Life,” and “I’ve Been Blessed,’ and their faces glow with the proof that they mean it from the heart – that’s when Christ comes alive for people – that’s when they know His words are true and His peace is real.

That’s when they begin to understand chasah trust!

If you feel like your trust in God has been broken, or it’s not what it used to be, maybe it’s time to fix what’s broken.

Is there an event in your past that has caused you to doubt God’s goodness in your life?

Tell Him about it, and ask Him to give you a new perspective.

Living forever in this world is not our goal – bringing others to Him before we leave is.

It is not about us. It’s all about Him

Focus on His goodness, on all the times He’s been there for you in the past.

Allow Him to once again be your shelter in the time of storm.